Chuck Norris of Cats

I got in a fight. Yeah, that's right, I got in a fight. I don't know why you're suprised, I am Clark after all. I'm like the Chuck Norris of Cats. 
 And we started to fight, I of course, beat the living crap out of him, cause  I am Clark after all, then I saunterd home to tell my humans of my victory. You would think that they would congratulate me for being so awesome, but they didn't! Instead they fawned over me and got all worried and acted stupid.
   It wasn't even that big of a scratch, just a little one on my nose, but I wanted to show it off and be all tough and macho all the same.
Stupid humans.
-Clark the Chuck Norris of Cats

It's the human's fault

I know how I said that I would be back to blogging more, but it's a little hard when the stupid computer is crashing all the time. Yes, my computer broke.
*cue gasp*
   It's been pretty bad. I couldn't post adorable pictures of me, tweet snarky Cat phrases, update any statuses on my facebook, etc. So I've just been sitting at home. Bored. My computer seems to be working again, though I blame my humans for using it. IT'S MINE! Do I have to go into this again? Everything is MINE! Everything.
  The humans have seemed to fixed up the computer a little, and I can finally get back to blogging.
So yrros for this late post. It won't happen again. Hopefully.
 
    I actually do have some interesting stuff happening now though. While the internet was broken,  I got back into the wild (read: The neighbor's yard). And I found some pretty interesting stuff.
  Like, that humans plant these nice little flowers in little mounds that are really fun to dig up and pee in. I also found out that if you find a backyard with a d-o-g in it, you can sit on the fence and taunt them. They will ALWAYS bark up at you. It's hilarious.
  So....that's what I did while my internet was being stupid.
-Clark the intelligent Cat
 

I HAVE RETURNED

Yes, the title reads true. I have returned to blog more! I'm sure you all missed me and my adorableness, but I have returned and will not leave it so long again.
Yrros about that. If you're new to my blog, "yrros" is sorry backwards, because sorry is very painful to say for a Cat. So whenever I say "yrros", it just means sorry. AAA! I said it.
  Anyways, nothing new has been happening in the world of me. Does anybody else think that the humans are getting stupider? Mine have hung up little decorations for some weird holiday called "Halloween" where servants everywhere force their amazing animals to wear ridiculous costumes. Of course, if you're a d-o-g, it's quite amusing.
 If you want some regular daily updates of my majestic life, just drop me a tweet on twitter, I have a link of to the side.
 So that's about it in the amazing world of ME.
-Clark the majestic Cat

 

Worst.Picture.Ever.

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this with you. It's pretty bad. I mean, wow. I don't even know. There are no words to describe the terror that is that photo.
  I-
I-
I just-

 
 



I know. It's horrendous.
The only reason I'm sharing this with you is because I know that my humans would find it and post it to ICanHazCHeezeburger, with some stupid little caption like-

"I WUUUUUUVVVVVV CATNIP."
Or something like that, because that's what humans spend their spare time doing.
So I thought that I should show it to you before you found at the hard way.
 Don't laugh at me.
-Clark the Undignified Cat

Grounded. (Again)

My human's drive me crazy. Seriously, they won't let me go outside at night anymore!!! For the stupidest reason too, (Original Human stupidity here). Go ahead and read it. I'll wait.

Are you done? Good. So now you can obviously see the stupidity that they displayed once, after a while though, they loosened up and let me outside again, so a few nights ago I decided it was okay to kill another bunny and leave it in her yard again.
But for mysterious reason she didn't like having a dead bunny in her yard at 1 in the morning.
So  weird, I know.
So now I have to stay inside again, but I'm gonna meow, tear up the weatherstripping, and bother my humans so much that they will give in and I will get another bunny. And the cycle goes on.

This is why Cats are superior to humans...
-Clark the Superior Cat
 

"Logic"

Have any of your humans ever  tried to use logic? Whenever mine attempt it, it ends up all wrong. (That should tell you how intelligent they are...)
    So, one of my human's rooms was all messy, with clothes and other random junk hanging everywhere. And it was the best room ever. I could pounce in the clothes, claw them up, go onto the bookcase and knock anything that's up there down. I could bat the zippers and strings around, and best of all, I found almost 20 pipe cleaners!!!!
  Pipe cleaners remind me of caterpillars. And I like caterpillars.
But then my human CLEANED her room!!! Yeah, she actually cleaned it. No clothes on the floor, no precious knick-knacks on the bookcase, and the pipe cleaners are hidden.
    I was so confused.
What's so good about a clean room?
Nothing. It's boring. And some of my  humans didn't help either, all they did was nag her to clean her room.
So all my humans are brainless.
Why am I not surprised?
-Clark the not-surprised Cat

Not your rug.

My servants drive me crazy. Seriously, they get mad at me over NOTHING!!  So, I just woke up and walked up to my scratcher, one of those nice flat ones and started scratching on it. It's a scratcher, I was just doing what I was supposed to do, but for some reason they told me to-"Get off their rug".
 None of those words make any sense to me, they're my servants, they shouldn't be allowed to order me around!!! And what is this mysterious rug? Could they possibly talking about my scratcher? And why would they be calling it theirs? Everything is mine... Humans are so confusing.
  How could they call it their rug when there's so many pictures of me on it?! Seriously, just look at this!

Sometimes I amaze myself with my own beauty...

 

How many pictures are there of you sprawled out on the rug? Hmmm? I thought so.





 

-Clark the self-satisfied Cat