Monday, August 27, 2012


We all have our bad days, yes? And some bad days are badder than others, some are just mildly bad and some are right-out awful. I believe today was one of the right-out awful days.
   You see, I woke up this afternoon, and expected to see my canned Meow Mix. Instead, I saw my regular food. I'm not saying it's bad, but after all that Meow Mix..... it's hard to go back.
  So then I was all traumatized and had to sleep for a few more hours. I know, it's very tough.
    When I was feeling a little better, I went outside and meowed at the door for a solid 2 minutes. 2 minutes. That's too darn long!!! My humans should be at my beck and call, ready to jump up at the click of my claws. But they weren't. So I went over to the computer to blog about all the unfairness of this whole situation when I saw an article that one of my humans had stupidly left open. I nearly screamed.
It was about the dangers of letting your Cat outside. And why

Yes, you read that right. I was shocked. Just shocked. But it gets worse, as I read farther into that horrifying article, it said that if you want to let your Cat outside, you should put them on a leash or a harness! What?!!! Would you humans like to only be outside if you were on a leash or a harness? I think not.
    So I went over to the door and pawed at it and looked cute until one on of my humans gave in.
 Then I walked over to my spot, the one with the grass and the little plastic black thingy that you can roll over. It's a very good back scratcher. I just sat there and rolled around on the nice soft grass, when suddenly- my little back scratcher popped up, made a little whoosh noise and sprayed water everywhere! Everywhere! Even on me!!!!!! Me!!!! So now I was wet. Wet. That's just unacceptable. Then of course, I saw those yappy little d-o-gs from across the street, and they started LAUGHING at me. That's right. LAUGHING!!  (Yes, d-o-gs can laugh, but it's a very unpleasant choking sound. Even they can tell that it sounds stupid.) I maintained my dignity all the way to my door until one of the watery things sprayed water over me again. I can only take so much.
Overall, not a very good day in the life of Clark
-Clark the shamed Cat

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Ask me anything, I know everything.....

Hello peeps. What is new in the brilliantly beautiful mind of Clark the amazing Cat this week? You may ask. Well, as you are well aware, Cats are infinitely superior, and know everything. So, I will answer anything you ask me. Yes, you read that right. You can get a glimpse into the orcale of wisdom this is the mind of a Cat. I will answer any questions until September 5th, then, well, you'll just have to wait until I feel generous again. (which might not be for a while..)
   So hurry!! Ask away!!!
Yes, now.
Are you gonna ask or not?
-Clark the oh-so-generous- Cat.

Friday, August 17, 2012

In the rain

I know this is unusual, stealing one of my human's mysterious rectangles, (which is called an I-pad. How strange) and blogging from it, but I can't move my computer outside. So I had to, bring their IPad outside instead, it's raining right now, and there's nothing I like more watching the rain on the the doorstep and watch the rain. Very peaceful. Gives us Cats time to reflect on life. Like the wonders of the can opener, the beauty of our reflections, or just how itchy our ears our. Yes, we Cats are intelligent and philosophical beings.
-Clark the intelligent and philosophical Cat

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


   Oh wait- here come a human, HUMAN!!! REFILL MY FOOD BOWL!!! I suppose I should tell you what just happened. You see - this morning I came inside and strolled over to my food dish, like I usually do. Whenever I do this, I expect a full dish, no empty spots. And I got a full dish, except for this one tiny spot in the middle, the size of a claw or so, that didn't have any food in it!! Seriously, I could see white!!! The bottom of my bowl. It's shocking. Very shocking. Seriously, the service of the servants today....
-Clark the shocked and disgruntled Cat

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Catlympics

As many of you can tell, the Olympics are on right now. So I decided to get in the spirit. Here are some Cat-related olympic sports.
 Like this.

Or this-

The balance beam-
Cat Olympics: Picture Gallery of Kitty Olympic Events

The ever popular floor routine-
Picture of Jaspurr, Competing in the Cat Olympics Freestyle Roll Event, Dirt Division

And my favorite-
Picture of Mojo in the Toilet Paper Shred Event of Cat Olympics
The toilet Paper Destruction Event!!!

I think I'll practice some freestyle sleeping now...
-Clark the sporty Cat

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Too hot to handle....

Once again, my humans disgust me with their stupidity. You see, it's summer, and it's very hot outside. So I stay inside. Simple. I didn't even think my humans could screw that up.
   Yet, they did. They broke the Air Conditioner. I know. How stupid could they be? Don't they know that it's hot outside?!?!?!?
  So now I'm going inside and outside, constantly meowing at the door to feel the cross breeze.
-Clark the Cat