Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A year of awesomeness.

As many of you know, I don't really say thank you very often, but I think that I should now. You see, I was just scrolling through some of my old posts when I realized that it had been a year since I started this blog!!
  When I got over that awesomeness, I saw that I had posted 99 total posts! So not only is this celebrating a year of superb writing, but it's also celebrating my 100th post! (Could it have worked out more perfectly?)
  So a big thanks to all my humans, fellow Cats, followers, and even the d-o-g. You guys always gave me something to write about! (Especially you d-o-g, especially you.)
     Sigh, I'm so happy that I might even be nice to my servants for a while.

-Clark the insanely happy Cat

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Tweet tweet

As some of you may have noticed, I put another link on my blog, it reads- "My Twitter feed of awesomeness"
         So yes, I have set up a twitter account. But not to stay in touch with old friends or whatever. I set up an account to find that  annoying little blue bird that's all over Twitter. It's constantly tweeting. but I can never seem to find it.
     Sigh. So close, but so far.
-Clark the Cat

Friday, June 22, 2012

What a nice present.....

Once again, the logic of my humans leaves me perplexed.
  You see, I've been noticing this huge glass container in the middle of a table, it's been there for months, but it didn't look very interesting until I got up closer and saw something move in inside it.
   It was a gecko!
I was totally fascinated and couldn't stop watching the little critter scamper around his tank. As he moved around I started to get a little emotional, I just couldn't get over the fact that my humans bought me such a nice snack.
   But when they saw me hitting the sides of the tank, trying to get my lovely present, they made get off the table.
So strange. They bought me a present and not even allowed to eat it? I will never understand what goes on in those little heads of theirs.
-Clark the confused Cat

Monday, June 18, 2012


Even though Cats don't really like loud noises we do enjoy (some types of) music. My humans are constantly playing music from their (still mysterious) rectangles, my computer, the radio, etc. Most Cats enjoy this, and I did too until the whole euphonium thing. Shudder.
     But even through that, I still liked other types of music. Up until yesterday that is. I was just calmly sitting on top of a bookshelf and supervising my humans as they went about their boring human lives when a song came through their radio. I didn't think it was a very good song, but my humans apparently did. They started singing along to it.  Trust me, there is a reason they are not in any type of choir, the horrible sounds that were coming through their mouths were the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. It was ear torture. But to make matters worse, they actually started dancing to the song. So now it was ear AND eye torture. I was so mortified that I just turned around and tried to ignore them.
-Clark the highly embarrassed Cat

Saturday, June 16, 2012


As I have clearly stated before, I detest the d-o-g. But for some reason, my humans actually enjoy its company.
       I'm not jealous of it or anything, but I do have to monitor it, just to make sure that it doesn't be mean to my humans. After all, I am their protector.
   But yesterday, I saw three of my humans go outside with it. THREE!!!!!!! And then, they began feeding him! How crazy is that?!?!?!?
 I gave them the silent treatment when they came back inside, but they didn't notice.
-Clark the not jealous Cat

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Human logic: oxymoron

I know I've said it before, and I know I'll say it again, but I just don't get humans. Just yesterday, I was stuck inside (I think my magic door might door might be broken) and going crazy.
     So when I saw Miss. Sara calmly sitting and looking at something, I attacked!!
I only scratched her a little bit, but for some reason, she was really mad. When really  it's all there fault, if they had just let me outside at night none of this would have happened!!
 Sigh, humans.
-Clark the disgruntled Cat

Sunday, June 10, 2012


I am so mad right now! I was just calmly sitting in my front yard when I saw a human. Not totally out of the ordinary, except for the fact that she had TWO d-o-gs with her! That's right, TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!
   If that wasn't bad enough, they actually had the nerve to walk on my sidewalk! My sidewalk!
D-o-gs and humans are easily the most brainless creatures on Earth!!!!
-Clark the angry Cat

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Stupid rain.

What on earth is wrong with my humans? I was just calmly sitting outside and basking in the warm sun, when a dark cloud passed over me. Just as I was ordering it to stop taking my sunlight, it began to rain.
         Well, contrary to popular belief, Cats don't hate all rain. We just hate heavy rain. Of course, in a matter of minutes, the tolerable sprinkles had morphed into heavy,wet drops that beat the ground insistently. What was there to do but meow piteously?
     Soon enough my humans opened up the door let me inside, as soon as they closed the door, the rain decided to stop raining. Good timing. So I meowed until Miss. Sara and Mr. Cyrus came over to me and were about to open the door when it started raining again. Sigh.
   So now I'm staring moodily at the door, clawing up the weather stripping and wishing that I could go back outside.
   Hmmm... maybe I'll go scare one of my humans, I'm sure all of this is their fault.
-Clark the rather frustrated Cat

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Why Cats and d-o-gs don't mix.

I can't stand the d-o-g . He's so.. so... so.. brainless! For example, a few days ago I decided to try and hold an intelligent conversation with him. So I went over to the window and waited. There he was, in all his d-o-gness. When he saw me he immediately perked up and started wagging his tail. I started to meow when he barked. It shook the floors it was so loud! On instinct, I hissed. When that didn't do anything, I hissed again. You would think that a large, hissing Cat would put most creatures off, but the d-o-g?
   No. He just continued to wag his tail and be unbearably happy. When I realized that a conversation would be impossible I growled and slinked out of the room. This is pretty much the reason that Cats and d-o-gs just don't get along.
-Clark the Cat