Monday, March 26, 2012

What's the point?

Of a lot things, for example, most things that people do. Like school for instance, Cats don't go to school. I know that humans aren't as smart as Cats, but ya' know......
     Another example of human stupidity is one thing that happened the other day; I was just sitting in my chair and gifting the world with my brilliance when one of my humans started to brush me. I'm serious, they actually brushed me! I give myself tongue baths multiple times a day, plus, I take dust baths whenever possible. So do I need to be brushed? NO!!
 Believe it or not though, this only one of many examples of clueless and pointless human behavior.
-Clark the wiser-than-any-human Cat

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A new love.

Most Cats love food, and I am no exception, Meow mix canned Cat food, fish, and various kinds of kitty treats, it's all good! Yep, Cats love food, except for that dry, pellety food dim-witted humans usually give us. Yet, I have  found an exception. 
       A week or two ago my humans brought home a new type of Cat food. "Oh great," I thought, "more hard food in the shape of pellets. Yay."  My humans poured the new food in the bowl, "Enjoy Clarky!"  they said and walked out.  (Sorry about the unnecessary "y", that's just humans for you.)

Love at first bite!
   I crept timidly forward and leaned in for the first bite. I chewed. And was blown backward by the delicious flavors that flooded my mouth. Salmon, chicken, turkey. It was the best food I've had in ages. I jammed my head back into the bowl and took bite after flavorful bite.  It was beyond delicious.
  All too soon, I had eaten the whole bag. I waited in anticipation (or just slept, whatever you want to call it) for the next bag. However, much to my dismay, the next food was not the delicious taste sensation that the last food was. I could never go back to regular food now, after sampling that culinary delight. So I meowed at my humans until they bought me more.
-Clark the triumphant Cat

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Magical door!!!!!

 Yes, you heard that right, Magical door. Here's how it works, you go over to the door, sit down in front of it, stare at it, and POOF! It opens. Just like magic! (Mainly because it IS magic.)
     It dosen't work with just doors either, it also works with food dishes, treats, and whenever I'm itchy, one of my servants is there to scratch me.
 I'm sure you want to know how it works, and it took me many hours to figure it out, but I have come to one conclusion: it is me. I just want something, think about it, and in a few short minutes, it happens. Sometimes if the magic isn't working fast enough, I meow. I'm sure that you're begging to know how you can get this magic, and I hate to burst your bubble, but it only works if you're a Cat. (Or more specifically, me.)
-Clark the magical Cat

Thursday, March 15, 2012


Hey peeps, do you remember a post or 2 ago when I said I only fear coyotes, The Vet, and an empty food dish? Well, there's something else. Missing humans. They went on "vacation" (whatever that is) and believe it or not, I miss them. Their constant attention, always talking about how adorable I am( like I don't already know) and everything else which I used to find annoying, I now miss. Sigh. I hope they're back soon, I miss their kitty treats. Plus, they abandoned me with another one of my human servants and the d-o-g! I better get LOTS of extra attention when they get back!
-Clark the Cat
P.S. I hope my humans don't read that.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Up, up up!

Cats enjoy many things in life, out of all of these, superiority over all other creatures is the most treasured. Though WE know we're superior, some creatures (humans) don't acknowledge it.
          So, a good way to prove our superiority to them is to get up high, in the tops of bookshelves, closet shelves, really any kind of shelves. Then we can look down on them, on everything, as it should be.
-Clark the superior Cat

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Vet.

Everybody has fears. Believe it or not, even I have fears. But, I only have 2:
  • Coyotes
  • The Vet
(Well, and an empty food dish, that's pretty scary too.) Usually I can go through life without having to worry about any of these, but two days ago (on Leap Day!) I had to meet one of these head on! Worse yet is was the one I fear the most, the Vet. I will not go into the frightening experience I endured, but I will say this, three shots. That's right. THREE. Three whole shots. And they were big needles.
     When I returned home, I just slept all day, (which I do anyways, but this was different.)
-Clark the traumatized Cat