Sunday, September 30, 2012


I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this with you. It's pretty bad. I mean, wow. I don't even know. There are no words to describe the terror that is that photo.
I just-


I know. It's horrendous.
The only reason I'm sharing this with you is because I know that my humans would find it and post it to ICanHazCHeezeburger, with some stupid little caption like-

Or something like that, because that's what humans spend their spare time doing.
So I thought that I should show it to you before you found at the hard way.
 Don't laugh at me.
-Clark the Undignified Cat

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Grounded. (Again)

My human's drive me crazy. Seriously, they won't let me go outside at night anymore!!! For the stupidest reason too, (Original Human stupidity here). Go ahead and read it. I'll wait.

Are you done? Good. So now you can obviously see the stupidity that they displayed once, after a while though, they loosened up and let me outside again, so a few nights ago I decided it was okay to kill another bunny and leave it in her yard again.
But for mysterious reason she didn't like having a dead bunny in her yard at 1 in the morning.
So  weird, I know.
So now I have to stay inside again, but I'm gonna meow, tear up the weatherstripping, and bother my humans so much that they will give in and I will get another bunny. And the cycle goes on.

This is why Cats are superior to humans...
-Clark the Superior Cat

Monday, September 10, 2012


Have any of your humans ever  tried to use logic? Whenever mine attempt it, it ends up all wrong. (That should tell you how intelligent they are...)
    So, one of my human's rooms was all messy, with clothes and other random junk hanging everywhere. And it was the best room ever. I could pounce in the clothes, claw them up, go onto the bookcase and knock anything that's up there down. I could bat the zippers and strings around, and best of all, I found almost 20 pipe cleaners!!!!
  Pipe cleaners remind me of caterpillars. And I like caterpillars.
But then my human CLEANED her room!!! Yeah, she actually cleaned it. No clothes on the floor, no precious knick-knacks on the bookcase, and the pipe cleaners are hidden.
    I was so confused.
What's so good about a clean room?
Nothing. It's boring. And some of my  humans didn't help either, all they did was nag her to clean her room.
So all my humans are brainless.
Why am I not surprised?
-Clark the not-surprised Cat

Monday, September 3, 2012

Not your rug.

My servants drive me crazy. Seriously, they get mad at me over NOTHING!!  So, I just woke up and walked up to my scratcher, one of those nice flat ones and started scratching on it. It's a scratcher, I was just doing what I was supposed to do, but for some reason they told me to-"Get off their rug".
 None of those words make any sense to me, they're my servants, they shouldn't be allowed to order me around!!! And what is this mysterious rug? Could they possibly talking about my scratcher? And why would they be calling it theirs? Everything is mine... Humans are so confusing.
  How could they call it their rug when there's so many pictures of me on it?! Seriously, just look at this!
Sometimes I amaze myself with my own beauty...

How many pictures are there of you sprawled out on the rug? Hmmm? I thought so.


-Clark the self-satisfied Cat