Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Decisions, decisions.

Have you ever decided that you want to do something, but then you think about it later and decide that you don't really want to do it? It's not like it's a BAD thing, just a good decision.
  So why do my humans not think so?
You see, sometimes I want to go outside, so I'll meow at my humans and they'll open the door. Then I'll sit outside for a minute, ponder the world, soak up the sun, or whatever you want to call sitting and staring at birds. Then, when I decide that there’s is nothing exciting going on, I’ll meow to go back inside.
   But then I'll decide that the inside is even MORE boring than the outside, (if such a thing is possible) so I'll go back outside. And the cycle will repeat itself. Usually about every 30 seconds.

I don't see anything wrong with this, but my humans don't like it. I wonder why?

-Clark the Contrary Cat

Friday, May 25, 2012

Another victory for Catkind

Humans get mad way too easy. Last night for example. I was stuck inside because all my humans were asleep. So I was just wondering around until I saw a bookcase. It was pretty high up, all flat, and exactly where I knew I wasn't supposed to go. In other words, it was the perfect place for a Cat.
  So I leaped on top of it and started to get comfortable. The only problem was that there was a whole bunch of junk on top of it. A dusty baseball with ink on it, some little statues, a weird wooden thing that one of my humans gave her. You know, stupid little human knickknacks. So I was just calmly knocking it off when she decided to wake up.
   (Could there have been a worst time?) She tried to move me, but when that didn't work she begged, and when that didn't work, she just moved all her stuff and went back to bed.
-Clark the victorious Cat

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

It's all about me!

I was just surfing the web when I pulled up a file full of pictures. Some were just of my humans, (boring!) But others were of me. I never truly realized how gorgeous I was until today. As I scrolled through them, I thought, “I’m too beautiful for just one computer, I must share these with the world!" So here they are!

Just plain amazing.

Aren't I adorable?

Sigh. You just can't get better than that.

The ever popular Sphinx pose.
-Clark the photogenic Cat

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

My poor ears.

I used to think that my humans had a limit to their insanity. I thought that they just couldn't get any weirder. Well, up until about 2 years ago when one of humans brought home the Euphonium. When I first heard that word, I laughed. ( Well , on the inside, as Cats can't really laugh.)
   It's a shiny, gold-colored chunk of metal curved into a weird shape, I've enclosed a picture of it, as it's just too hard to describe.
Anyways, as I was sitting and laughing at its name (on the inside) when my human picked it up and blew into it. I almost yowled, it was such a horrible noise. All loud and terrible. Just plain awful. It made me think of a constipated elephant. Unfortunately my human seems to enjoy listening to it and plays it everyday. 
  Why? Why? Why?
-Clark the Cat
The most horrible thing in the world

Sunday, May 13, 2012


Sometimes I worry about my humans. Like right now for instance. You see, a couple of nights ago, I had caught 2 bunnies. (This let me tell you, is not easy.) Then I calmly put them in one of my human's neighbor's yards, then I left them there as a present to her.)
   Imagine my surprise when I went to see if she wanted all of her gift, but found them gone! When I came back inside to complain to my humans about this, they were talking apologizing over and over again into one of the rectangles. Then they made me stay inside all night! Don't they know Cats are nocturnal?!
   It just doesn’t make any sense; all I did was leave 1 and 1/2 bunnies as a thoughtful gift. (I was a little hungry, and I did catch them after all, but that doesn’t mean anything!)
   What is wrong with humans these days?
-Clark the Cat

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Magic box!

Of all the mysteries of humans, the magic box is the most puzzling. It stands mounted on a wall. All shiny and dark, until a humans  points a remote thingy at it. Then it will burst with sound and light, and hypnotize my humans. They can stare at its flasy screen for hours. I have no idea what it is, why it's there, or what's so great about it! 
   It's like the mysterious rectangles all over again.
-Clark the still confused Cat

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Broken humans

Lately I'm starting to think that my humans might be broken. It's the strangest thing. I'll be laying down and then I'll hear a can opening! For all Cats, the opening of the can means yummy human food!  (Why do they always get the good stuff?) So I'll waltz into the kitchen, the picture of adorableness, you know, tail up, eyes wide. The whole shabang. Then my humans will just dump the contents of their can onto a plate and walk out! (Well, after admiring my adorableness of course.)
   Sigh. Humans are so weird.
-Clark the confused Cat