Friday, December 7, 2012

Faux Cats

Hello Peeps. I was just chilling on my social media accounts, (which you should go follow me on. Go. Follow my awesomeness. Now.) and I began to notice that most "Cats" on the Internet, are actually people! I, of course, being an actual Cat, know that they're not Cats because of the way they talk. For example, in one of these "faux Cat" accounts, the phrase "I tolerate you" becomes- "I WuVVVVVVVVV U!!!!!!111!!!"
  Which, no self-respecting Cat would type like. And all Cats have self respect, because we're very aware of our amazingness. We're also very intelligent. Even the less intelligent Cats of the Internet know how to type correctly. It's insulting really, to be portrayed in such a demeaning and undignified manner. And do you humans really think we call you "Mommy"? Because I've noticed a growing trend of Cats typing things like- "I wuvvvvv my mommy so much she gives me fishhhhh".
   Some human servants can be so dim! While I am aware of you servants loving us, (It's not like I blame you, we're pretty awesome) we do not EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER call you "Mommy" or "Daddy" or any of those little names you believe we do.
     How would you like to have your whole species spread across the Internet, portrayed as imbeciles, writing with horrible grammar? Imagine it for a moment.
   Now do you know the horror? The ridicule? Do you understand how horribly insulting it is?
So stop. 
You hear me, stop.
Or else.

-Clark the Cat 

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